‘But those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary, They shall walk and not be faint.’ — Isaiah 40:31
Seventeen: The number of people who attended camp and have started their lives with Christ in joining the community. I saw their hearts be ignited with the Holy Spirit and I hope that this camp has provided a foundation as it did to me in my entry camp.
That weekend of service took me on an insane journey that I have never experienced before. A whole new level of service unimaginable.
Emotions never felt, challenges to conquer. All in the name of God.
Praise God for such an opportunity to be able to lead in service. It was unthinkable to me. Not to mention, to lead at the same place where I joined exactly 2 years and 5 months ago. I must say that I was crazy stressed during these preparations, tested, faced doubts and felt anger far greater and often than ever before. Yet in the end, it was a victory in Christ and all of those times of strife was worth it. It provided me several turning points and strengthened me.
The weekend taught me a lot the following:
That I shouldn’t worry: God has got everything
Prayer shouldn’t be based around you talking to Christ alone. We forget to listen to what his will is. My prayer life has gone beyond the standard ‘thank you God for ____’ and being self centered. To not pray what you personally want but praying for what he wants from you.
We all should be carrying our own crosses - we should know that we cannot carry them perfectly. Jesus himself fell three times so what should we expect of ourselves? I struggle with physical exhaustion a lot but I honestly felt that God really held me up that weekend to keep up with service.
‘No longer I, but Christ in me.’ — Galatians 2:20.
In the worship song God in Me, it’s that line that we should really be striving for. Once we strip away everything that is of us and allow him to work in us: wonderful things happen. Always surrender to him. Everything you have.
At the end of the day, we shouldn’t worry because in his timing, he has it all planned.
Prayers go a long way.
The ultimate weapon.
That true gift from God himself to communicate with him.
Also appreciating praying to Mother Mary, the Angels and Saints to intercede for us as well has made a wonderful impact. Learning how to pray better and unceasingly — oh man. Makes you appreciate a lot of things. :)
Strive for Integrity
An early problem in my service was that I struggled to be the same person in the community as everywhere else. A person of my generation in a world where religion is seen of less importance is saddening and that in turn made me not want to defend my faith sometimes. It made me not want to say that ‘Yes, my religion is really important to me.’ because I was worried that I would be judged. It left me in shambles too as I was wanting to bring others to Christ but how could I when I myself don’t even know who he is in my life.
The weekend reminded me that I am not alone and that I should continue to pursue in my faith. Not just in this community but everywhere I am and not be selective about it.
When you become focused on your faith and what God has created, you become more attune to the world and you just want to pray for it no matter how angry it makes you feel.
That I shouldn’t doubt my blessings.
If I was to point out the biggest thing that holds me back, it would be the fact that I have been insanely insecure in my life. It always manages to consume me. I’m way too hard on myself. I honestly take joy in wanting to affirm others but when people try to say positive things about me, I can’t accept them wholeheartedly. To pinpoint as to why it was because when I went through problems in my high school life, I happened to seek help from the wrong people and when it did not go alright, I became fearful. Too scared. I could never find it okay to confide in people, even close friends who really want to be there for me. That truly wanted to look after me. I was convinced that once I told them things, eventually I would lose them because I would become a burden. I breakdown a fair bit but my outlet is always ranting to myself or posting something here. I finally see how much it indirectly affects my loved ones when I don’t have the courage to go up for them and cry out for help. I was hurting them so much more than myself being hurt. And for that I am truly sorry.
God told me to let go. For real this time because look what he has given me since then that I have failed to recognize properly.
From now on, I will give my all in not being so ashamed or embarrassed to seek help. It’s not going to be so easy but it’s something I pray for. I have blessings that I can trust.
Another thing would have been that he taught me how to love. Unconditionally. Not just myself, seeing it in others. I can believe that I was always hesitant to love and so obsessed with being expected to be loved in return just as much. It was so wrong, to REALLY love is to do so without desiring something back. To love no matter what. To continue to outdo each other in love. They may not exactly love you, but love them anyway. They may need love and you may not know it. If you really love someone, you should strive to make them a better person and if that means correcting them at times - go ahead. What I admire in a sister of mine is that she’s really good at being honest. Being honest can be so hard but if you do it out of love, it’s so different and caring to know that someone is looking out for you. Also, don’t expect praise from you loving, rely on God’s praise alone because that’s the best thing.
During the weekend, something hit me.
All of a sudden I couldn’t stop crying after a certain point. I had no idea why. I guess I was kind of afraid of what was to come during camp — especially as it was the pivotal point in that they would soon be prayed over and such and such. I was thinking: “What if we failed to bring them to Christ? Had we done enough?” :(
After time in prayer and asking other people I trusted that it was God trying to show me some reassurance or the Holy Spirit overflowing. I had never had such an encounter until that point. It’s something you cannot justify in description with words. I didn’t even know these participants well, yet I felt that I was crying for them. I wasn’t upset at anything but those tears kept flowing. I somehow loved them all too much. All I know is that my idea of love had been fairly blurry then after all that - it changed.
I’ve realized that in my early posts about YFC, I would simply talk about the amusing things that happened at events hahaha, embarrassing. Hopefully, it has changed since then and I thank God for allowing me the chance to grow with him.
No way would I have thought that joining a community would change my life in so many positive ways.
And now with service, I have been hoping that I have done the same with others.