‘But those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary, They shall walk and not be faint.’ — Isaiah 40:31 

Seventeen: The number of people who attended camp and have started their lives with Christ in joining the community. I saw their hearts be ignited with the Holy Spirit and I hope that this camp has provided a foundation as it did to me in my entry camp.

That weekend of service took me on an insane journey that I have never experienced before. A whole new level of service unimaginable.
Emotions never felt, challenges to conquer. All in the name of God.

Praise God for such an opportunity to be able to lead in service. It was unthinkable to me. Not to mention, to lead at the same place where I joined exactly 2 years and 5 months ago. I must say that I was crazy stressed during these preparations, tested, faced doubts and felt anger far greater and often than ever before. Yet in the end, it was a victory in Christ and all of those times of strife was worth it. It provided me several turning points and strengthened me.

The weekend taught me a lot the following:

That I shouldn’t worry: God has got everything
Prayer shouldn’t be based around you talking to Christ alone. We forget to listen to what his will is. My prayer life has gone beyond the standard ‘thank you God for ____’ and being self centered. To not pray what you personally want but praying for what he wants from you.
We all should be carrying our own crosses - we should know that we cannot carry them perfectly. Jesus himself fell three times so what should we expect of ourselves? I struggle with physical exhaustion a lot but I honestly felt that God really held me up that weekend to keep up with service.

‘No longer I, but Christ in me.’ — Galatians 2:20.

In the worship song God in Me, it’s that line that we should really be striving for. Once we strip away everything that is of us and allow him to work in us: wonderful things happen. Always surrender to him. Everything you have.
At the end of the day, we shouldn’t worry because in his timing, he has it all planned.

Prayers go a long way.
The ultimate weapon.
That true gift from God himself to communicate with him.
Also appreciating praying to Mother Mary, the Angels and Saints to intercede for us as well has made a wonderful impact. Learning how to pray better and unceasingly — oh man. Makes you appreciate a lot of things. :)

Strive for Integrity
An early problem in my service was that I struggled to be the same person in the community as everywhere else. A person of my generation in a world where religion is seen of less importance is saddening and that in turn made me not want to defend my faith sometimes. It made me not want to say that ‘Yes, my religion is really important to me.’ because I was worried that I would be judged. It left me in shambles too as I was wanting to bring others to Christ but how could I when I myself don’t even know who he is in my life.

The weekend reminded me that I am not alone and that I should continue to pursue in my faith. Not just in this community but everywhere I am and not be selective about it.
When you become focused on your faith and what God has created, you become more attune to the world and you just want to pray for it no matter how angry it makes you feel.

That I shouldn’t doubt my blessings.
If I was to point out the biggest thing that holds me back, it would be the fact that I have been insanely insecure in my life. It always manages to consume me. I’m way too hard on myself. I honestly take joy in wanting to affirm others but when people try to say positive things about me, I can’t accept them wholeheartedly. To pinpoint as to why it was because when I went through problems in my high school life, I happened to seek help from the wrong people and when it did not go alright, I became fearful. Too scared. I could never find it okay to confide in people, even close friends who really want to be there for me. That truly wanted to look after me. I was convinced that once I told them things, eventually I would lose them because I would become a burden. I breakdown a fair bit but my outlet is always ranting to myself or posting something here. I finally see how much it indirectly affects my loved ones when I don’t have the courage to go up for them and cry out for help. I was hurting them so much more than myself being hurt. And for that I am truly sorry.

God told me to let go. For real this time because look what he has given me since then that I have failed to recognize properly.
From now on, I will give my all in not being so ashamed or embarrassed to seek help. It’s not going to be so easy but it’s something I pray for. I have blessings that I can trust.

LOVE.
Another thing would have been that he taught me how to love. Unconditionally. Not just myself, seeing it in others. I can believe that I was always hesitant to love and so obsessed with being expected to be loved in return just as much. It was so wrong, to REALLY love is to do so without desiring something back. To love no matter what. To continue to outdo each other in love. They may not exactly love you, but love them anyway. They may need love and you may not know it. If you really love someone, you should strive to make them a better person and if that means correcting them at times - go ahead. What I admire in a sister of mine is that she’s really good at being honest. Being honest can be so hard but if you do it out of love, it’s so different and caring to know that someone is looking out for you. Also, don’t expect praise from you loving, rely on God’s praise alone because that’s the best thing.

During the weekend, something hit me.
All of a sudden I couldn’t stop crying after a certain point. I had no idea why. I guess I was kind of afraid of what was to come during camp — especially as it was the pivotal point in that they would soon be prayed over and such and such. I was thinking: “What if we failed to bring them to Christ? Had we done enough?” :(
After time in prayer and asking other people I trusted that it was God trying to show me some reassurance or the Holy Spirit overflowing. I had never had such an encounter until that point. It’s something you cannot justify in description with words. I didn’t even know these participants well, yet I felt that I was crying for them. I wasn’t upset at anything but those tears kept flowing. I somehow loved them all too much. All I know is that my idea of love had been fairly blurry then after all that - it changed.

I’ve realized that in my early posts about YFC, I would simply talk about the amusing things that happened at events hahaha, embarrassing. Hopefully, it has changed since then and I thank God for allowing me the chance to grow with him.
No way would I have thought that joining a community would change my life in so many positive ways.

And now with service, I have been hoping that I have done the same with others.

This book is pretty important to me. I carry it with me wherever I go and I manage to scribble down things really like; inspirational quotes, spiritual guidance, bible passages, standout homilies, any Saints that fascinate me etc. Anything great that I hear or see during my daily life or things that are shared to me. When my friends say something inspiring, I jot it down. 

Whenever I witness my close friends not going through the best of times, I hope to share it with them to lift their spirits up :) I would love to let them look back at all the things I write in the hope that I’ll cheer them up. Even with myself when things begin to crumble, I would like to think that reading whatever I continue to write in this book will remind me of purpose. 

I don’t know when it’ll come of great use but when it does, I truly pray that it can change thoughts from ones of sadness to joy. 

“Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.” — John 21:17

My journey with the Lord has come a long way.
I feel that it is worthwhile to share where I am right now.

Ask me that a few years back of where he was in my life and I would have said that he was just there..barely holding some sort of significance. I grew up under Catholic values but it was far from devout, it was just a small element that popped in and out. Faith played no particular factor in how I lived until late into my high school years where I experienced times of deep sorrow. Not getting into details but it was that true rock bottom moment of my life when I toyed around with the element of death. Christ, whose timing is immaculately perfect came at the most crucial time - when I almost gave up on my own life. A better lease on life. Him firmly saying: ‘How dare you give up? Don’t do it, your time here is not finished.’
An abundance of blessings came forth since that moment: through the finding of true high school friends that genuinely love me for who I am and a community that shaped me as the person I am today: Youth for Christ.

I cannot begin to entail how much importance that community has on my life. Those brothers and sisters have shown and taught me an endless array of things and they hold such firm conviction towards Christ. I feel like I had received so many undeserving blessings with the close friendships I have formed with these brothers and sisters. Their lives, all unique but hearing the stories of how they found Christ truly brings me that constant sense of hope in my own.

Still, these years of discovering Christ have been far from easy sailing. I keep swinging from having spiritual high moments to the ones where I turn away and even question him. I go into a ball of sadness over things such as severe loneliness, self doubt and I even get lost over what the Lord is even doing with me sometimes. To the point where I would questioned if whether or not me cheating death was all just luck, not in his plan.

Apart from that, in recent light I have come to yearn for Christ even more and my thirst for knowledge about him and the Catholic faith has flourished. I would love to truly believe that I have grown from that person who loved attending meetings and events at YFC simply for the people/food side of things. In all honestly, Jesus Christ has become present constantly in my mind. I found myself to be subconsciously praying to myself whenever I would be walking alone or on my train trips to university or work. I get a strong desire in wanting to read spiritually nurturing books which I had never have thought I would have done. My values have been cemented; in terms of purity and everything in between. Praise God that I’m not afraid to say that I am a Christian anymore.
And finally I have been able to get into the habit of going to confession more often and denying myself of the Eucharist whenever I was never in a state of grace. With all of this, I even truly want to get into the routine of going to daily mass as regularly as possible: hopefully everyday at one point! (Please pray for me that I do!)

However, I simultaneously had gotten weary because I noticed that delving into my faith more made me so upset about the world and how it has become so distorted by the devil. Constantly anguished at myself being so of the world and being torn between it. My frustration levels for when I didn’t see my loved ones not being Christ-like would make me hit breaking point frequently. More so, thinking about the people close to me who do not or no longer see Christ would tear me apart.. the thought of them drifting. I am always convinced that I am not doing enough in my service and showing Christ to them…or that my friendship is a phase/useless.

Praise God though because he reminded me over the weekend as I attended a Household Leaders Training: ‘My Child, never lose faith, even in the midst of dark times. Continue to serve me and I will be with you every step of the way. Please do not doubt me.’ What hit me the most was the fact that we always fail him yet, his love constantly remains. We can forget about him when we are consumed of the world but he never for a moment forgets about us. It pains me to realise you can turn away from him so easily.

This spiritual battle of mine is undoubtedly difficult. It is not easy being a Christian youth in today’s society which is saddening, but prayers go a long way and miracles happen everyday.
There will definitely be times where I will go back into that period of despair and doubt. I will be subjected to sin and temptation so many times more.

But it will be all worth it. I want to continuously surrender to him. I want people to hopefully be able to see Christ in me and be inspired to seek him. I’m so flawed but I’m going to give it my all.
Thank you Lord for this life. I’m still unsure where you are taking me or what person you want me to be. Yet I’m certain that this adventure will be amazing. Please humble my heart and take away anything that is not of you.

In saying all this, I want to let you know that Jesus Christ is wanting for you all to serve him, with his unending love.
And I pray that you say YES to his call.
Why? There are no words that can justify perfectly as to how your life becomes with Jesus Christ in the centre. It is something you have to witness yourself :)

Follow him.

14th: Arrival in Tokyo  
15th: Day Roaming of Tokyo 
16th: Tokyo Disneyland 
17th - 19th: Headed to Nagano for skiing/snowboarding 
19th - 20th: Kyoto 
21st: Hiroshima 
22nd - 24th: Tokyo  

:) Have any of you guys been to Japan? Any suggestions of where to go?

I used to use this for my private frustrations and struggles that I have in my life. The never ending days where I almost gave up. It didn’t even live up to the URL of wanting to inspire because it contained so many negative feelings.

Significantly over the past few months however, God’s presence in my life has grown. I don’t want to be that person who was cooped up with all these problems. Even though there will be times in which I will fall back into that period of doubt and despair, I don’t want to give up that easily anymore. We have all been blessed with life, and that in itself gives purpose. 

I don’t want to experience his love and grace alone, I want to show it. The world today is unfortunately filled with so many things that have turned people away from Christ. 
If I could be a source of being a messenger of God to even just one person, I would be content. 

Here’s the link to my new side blog!:  daringtoinspire

I hope to fill it with daily words of inspiration from above as I continue my journey alongside Christ. 

:) Feel free to follow. I hope that it inspires you to have a closer relationship with God and to constantly grow stronger in faith. 

-Make confession a habit: once a month at least
-Continue strengthening my faith :)
-Reading more spiritual nourishing books
-Make more time for my household
-Inspire a person/people about Christ
-Try to stay positive despite my bouts of adversity
-Record Live the Highway’s first EP
-Sign our band up for Triple J
-Hit goal weight completely (4kg down, 2 to go)
-Run the bay run in under an hour
-Have enough money for July holidays
-Set aside and save at least $5000 
-Get my drivers licence by APRIL
-Get a better paying job
-Do better in university because this year was just horrible in my academics
-Take the N3 JLPT test (?)

It was America last month, now it’s Japan!
Been hard out at work for the past few weeks earning some spending money. I’m keen, I can finally practice all that Japanese I’ve been studying since high school!

Gallivanting around Tokyo > Nagano > Kyoto > Hiroshima.

Any of you guys been to Japan? If so, any great places to suggest? :)